I've been meaning to write this post for a while now, in fact I had plans to have it posted before I started treatment. The draft has been sitting on my desktop for a long while, cause it's important to get right. It's important because when I was trying to live on a normal schedule I used to think I was bipolar. It's important because when I was trying to live on a normal schedule I used to get sick every month. It's important because when I was trying to live on a normal schedule I used to feel like a zombie. It's important because when I live on my own schedule none of those exists and I do not want them back. So, what do I see as a successful treatment?
In an ideal world I'd be able to fall asleep in an instant whenever I wanted and be well rested at waking up, but that's utopia. I'd love to feel as well and be as healthy as I am when I sleep on my own schedule but I'm not sure how well that would turn out either, so I'm willing to be a little less healthy than I am now... as long as it's only a little. Remember to keep an eye on things, and not let my pigheaded wanting to get things controlled run me into a wall. It's up to me to have the final say in whether to drop or continue.
What I am willing to accept:
-occasional heavy limbs
-getting sick a bit more than I do now, but not on a regular basis
-being a little tired in the morning
Things I will not accept:
-constant heavy limbs
-getting sick every month
-getting fever from socializing two days in a row
-depression
-panic attacks
-hallucinations
-constantly feeling tired
-walking around in a zombie state
What I want is to be awake and healthy with my sanity intact, that would be success.
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